Wednesday, 11 March 2009

• Currently iWorship Experience: The Sights & Sounds of Worship By Various Artists see related

  A Brighter Shade of Blue

  Dearest Friends and Beloved Readers,

              To each of you I greet you in the name of Jesus Christ, Lord and Redeemer of us all. Some of you have asked why I haven’t written here for so long. There is no simple answer. I have written several times but the Spirit compelled me to wait until I felt the call to do so. So much in my life has changed over the past few months that I no longer knew where I fit in.  Every month it seemed that I was saying good bye to someone special, whether through death or just moving away. As each went, I lost part of myself and eventually I no longer knew who I was. I did not know where I fit in my life, or anyone else’s either including God. I’m not saying I lost sight of God but sight of where God wants me to be. I began to question each and every one of my choices up to that point and felt that I was totally hopeless. Everything both good and bad in my life led me to believe I was worth less than nothing. In doing so, I let down myself, my parents, those who support me, and most importantly God.

              However, time and faith in God heals all things. I opened my heart again and realized that I have to stop trying to be who I was and start being who God wants me to be. It is not easy. Sometimes what God is telling us is something we do not want to hear. Like Jonah in the Bible, I was running away. Before losing my job, I had my day (and the next several months) planned to the minute (well almost). God was calling me to bigger and better things but I did not want to listen. I was comfortable. I was content. I was slowly getting out of debt while forgetting the greatest debt of all, Jesus on the Cross. God knew me before I was born. God knew me before I called Him Father. God knew me in my sins. God knew me in my shame but He still loved me. How often do we repeat John 3:16 but not understand the context as it relates to us? God gave to each us Jesus Christ to pay for our debt. However, we must stop and listen to God  to receive the full benefit. (I am not saying that if you go bankrupt that God will literally bail you out but that He forgives you for all choices that led you that point and continued relationship with Him will help you resolve both your financial and spiritual deficiencies.)

   

              Who am I? I am not really sure anymore. Who I am I meant to be? One of God’s Children. Where am I going? One step forward, I can not say for sure anything else.  How am I doing? I still smile a lot, I cry often, I laugh more than I did, and I love a lot more.  

   

              As for recent events, so many things have changed in my life I do not know where to begin. Michael has started coming back to church (Laquan as well). Shaina (GG) act-ually got interested in a discussion. To bad it wasn’t about church but a blessing all the same. I can honestly say I have driven Satan’s Uhaul (long story). I have come down with the worst case of “Spring Fever” since I was 12.  I was broadsided by one of Cupid’s stray (I hope) God really does have a sense of humor, great motivation though). Chris’s daughter is doing well after her surgery. I finally got to meet Craig’s sister Bonnie (Her Highness, just kidding) as well as Noah and Austin. She’s going to kill me (lol). Working on making my weekly Bible Study/ discussion a more permanent fixture (need a free Pamlico location).  Started a new “Adventure with Christ” with the boys (Adventure Corps). Still working on the Teen Partnership between New Bern / MHC. Was “broken” by two ten dollars bills (thank you). Last and most certainly not least Taylor (one of my Rays of Sunshine) is moving away and will no longer be attending the corps.

              As for my goals. Find a job working with children. Learn to tie at necktie (no smart comments please). Learn to sing (the neighbor’s dogs will appreciate it, though they howl at anything).  Lose Weight (being unemployed is fattening).  Dye my hair blonde (I said no smart comments, just kidding anyway). Learn to play an instrument       (eventually, don’t tell Charles or he’ll be at my door with an instrument and asking me to show up at four on Sunday).

             

              For those who have been concerned, I hope this blog/letter (I am starting to mail it for those few who are not online and have asked) has answered your questions. While writing this, I have cried (5 times), laughed (more than I can easily count), rejoiced, reminisced, and let go.  There is no easy answer but to trust in God in all things. Be blessed as each of you has blessed me. I love each of you and think  of you daily.  

   

                                                                                      Blessings and Joy,

                                                                                                    Steve

             

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